What Is Shame?

Shame is one of the most powerful—and painful—emotions we experience as human beings. At its core, shame is the belief that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, connection, or belonging. Unlike guilt, which focuses on behavior (“I did something bad”), shame targets identity (“I am bad”).

According to researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown,

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”

Shame often develops in response to trauma, rejection, failure, or unmet expectations—whether from others or from ourselves. It can be instilled by family, culture, religion, or personal experience. And it can keep us trapped in patterns of self-criticism, isolation, and fear.

 

How Shame Affects the Brain

Shame is not just a feeling—it’s a neurobiological experience. When we feel shame, the limbic system (particularly the amygdala) lights up, triggering our brain’s fight, flight, or freeze response. At the same time, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning and perspective, shuts down.

That means we’re left emotionally flooded and mentally foggy. Shame overrides our ability to think clearly or respond with compassion—even toward ourselves.

Brené Brown writes,

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”

This means that shame doesn't just hurt—it also undermines our belief that healing is possible.

 

How Shame Affects the Body

Shame isn’t just felt in the mind—it lives in the body. Common physical responses include:

• Tightness in the chest or throat

• Heat or flushing in the face

• Muscle tension or clenching

• Nausea or digestive discomfort

• Collapsing posture or desire to disappear

Over time, unprocessed shame can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical illness. As we suppress or internalize shame, our bodies stay locked in a protective—but exhausting—state of hyperarousal or dissociation.

 

How Counseling Helps with Shame

Shame thrives in silence, secrecy, and judgment. But when we bring it into the light—through a safe, nonjudgmental therapeutic relationship—it begins to lose its power.

Therapy helps by:

• Creating a compassionate space to explore the roots of shame

• Replacing self-judgment with curiosity and self-compassion

• Teaching tools to regulate the nervous system

• Reframing distorted beliefs about worth, identity, and value

• Offering validation and connection, which are key to healing

At Greenstone Counseling, our therapists specialize in shame resilience—helping you rewrite the story shame has told you about yourself and build a stronger sense of self-worth.

 

Counseling Techniques That Help with Shame

We use a variety of trauma-informed, evidence-based approaches to help clients heal from shame and reclaim their sense of value:

🧠 EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

Helps reprocess memories and beliefs that are rooted in shame, allowing clients to detach from harmful self-concepts.

💬 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Addresses negative thought patterns and replaces them with healthier, more realistic beliefs.

🪞 Shame Resilience Work (inspired by Brené Brown)

Teaches clients how to recognize shame triggers, practice vulnerability, and develop empathy and self-compassion.

“Empathy is the antidote to shame,” Brown explains. “The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: Me too.”

🫁 Somatic Therapy & Nervous System Regulation

Helps clients connect with and calm the body, interrupting the physiological loop of shame.

🤝 Attachment-Based and Relational Therapy

Rebuilds trust in relationships, especially if shame developed in the context of betrayal, neglect, or disconnection.

 

You Are Not Broken—You Are Worthy

Shame tells us we are alone, unlovable, and beyond repair. But none of that is true. You are not broken—you are wounded. And wounds can heal, especially in the presence of safety, connection, and skilled support.

At Greenstone Counseling, we’re here to help you reclaim your story—and your worth.

📍 Serving clients in Eastern Idaho
💻 In-person and online therapy available
📞 Call: 208-261-2131
📧 Email: greenstonecounseling@gmail.com
🌐 www.greenstonecounseling.com